My good friend Vixen DeVille has been a Burlesque dancer for many years, gracing the international stages of the world with her many forms of dance – and not just Burlesque! She has recently put together an online class on “The Art of Burlesque.”
I feel this education is a must for all women, as we need to to grab our womanhood and use it, as sweetly and as powerfully as we can.
As the Burlesque and Bellydancers danced through their days, think of the joy that brings to all that encounter them and their so vital, sensual, free-spirited energy!
Each of us has a silent Burlesque woman within. She’s a part of us and is a part of helping us get what we truly want in our lives.
Learn 5 Ways to Instantly Increase Your Sex Appeal and Social Confidence
“Super-Sexy” is not solely for the “Super-Fit.” You don’t have to “Work-Out” in order to “Work It.” There’s all these articles out there about embracing ‘sexy’, how ‘sexy’ can improve our self-esteem, our love life and in fact, life in general. Most recently I came across wht Adryenne Ashley of Thrive Global writes:
“Remember Teri Hatcher doing those impossible splits right on the studio floor on ‘Oprah’? Or Carmen Electra positively gushing about what exotic dance has done for her body and bedroom tactics? A large number of celebrities have recently taken to a sexy alternative to working out.”
See full article here
Isn’t that great? And also, totally true. But what if you CAN’T do the splits like Teri Hatcher? What if you don’t have the body of Carmen Electra? And what if you don’t have the upper-body strength to open a jar of peanut butter, let alone climb onto a pole?
Don’t worry – “getting your sexy on” is possible for EVERYONE!
“SEXY” IS FOR EVERYBODY…
The good news is that we ALL have a ‘sexy’ to embrace, and it’s not about pole dancing your way to that perfect bod, or getting flexible enough to achieve some twisted-pretzel sex position.
It’s NOT an ‘outside-in’ approach:
“I’ll get the perfect body, and then I will feel sexy.”
Work from the ‘inside-out’! It’s about getting down to how YOU FEEL about how you look. Rather than getting hung up on ‘embracing the sexy’, start EMBRACING THE POSITIVE, and ACCEPTING THE (supposed) NEGATIVE; this leads to self-confidence because CONFIDENCE IS YOUR ‘SEXY’!
How can anyone ‘embrace their sexy’ when what they think and feel is screaming the opposite? “Im too old, too tall, too short, too boney, too fat, too WHATEVER.” Yikes!
All this bullshit we tell ourselves (or have allowed others to convince us) about all these things that are ‘wrong’ with us — ALL THIS JUDGEMENT! — is toxic. And most importantly, it makes us shy aware from being naked and vulnerable — which is so sexy!
We don’t have to be the illusive ‘perfect’ to be sexy, we don’t have to be in lingerie, or be naked to be sexy. We don’t even have to be explicitly SEXUAL to be sexy. What we DO need, thought, is to embrace OURSEL ES.
CONFIDENCE is sexy
ENJOYING OURSELVES is sexy
LOVING OURSELVES is sexy
ALLOWING OTHERS TO SHARE IN US is sexy
5 Ways to Increase Our Sexy on Stage and in Everyday Life from my friend Vixen
Burlesque performers come in all shapes and sizes and are some of the sexiest people I’ve had the privilege to meet. Burlesque technique lies less in the technical aspects of dance and lies very much in the ‘charisma’ of the performer on stage. The quality of their movement, the manipulation of the audience’s attention, the exposure of a persona and their sense of play are intoxicating.
We can bring all these qualities into our daily lives, not just in the bedroom, not just on the stage. To quote Shakespeare, “All the world’s a stage.” So start bringing these secrets of the stage into our worlds and our lives right now.
1) OWN YOUR STAGE
This is an exercise I use with all my burlesque students early on. Walk around the room as if you own the space. Take up your space! Remember, we’re trying to get to HOW YOU FEEL about yourself, not changing what you look like, we’re working from the inside out!
Imagine this place is yours – everyone and everything around you is only there to please you. Walk down the street imagining yourself as the center of the universe. When you do this, you will be! Essentially, you ARE the center of everything. You only have your point of view, so everything you see is an invention of your perspective. So, to feel more confident: walk through the grocery store as if you own it. Cross the street like everyone is there to see YOU. Pretend you own the place, and soon you will do.
2) ENJOYING YOUR MOVEMENT
As you move through this brave new world of yours, start to ENJOY your movement. You don’t have to be dancing! Enjoy walking down the stairs, opening the door, really connect and be present with which parts of your body are moving at any given time and how it FEELS to do so.
Just as when you see someone really enjoying eating a delicious meal, we immediately want to order what they’re having, similarly, when we see someone enjoying their movement, enjoying just being themselves, we want to get in on that too! To take this analogy further – it’s the equivalent of eating for fuel and function vs tasting and savouring the pleasure of every mouthful.
I talk about the importance of self love in many forms but this is the most instantly applicable. Following on from your ‘enjoyment of movement’ is what I call in class ‘adding some self-love’. Making physical contact with yourself – NO I don’t mean in a specifically sexual way, I mean just making physical contact with yourself in a day-to-day situation, brushing the hair from your face, grazing your fingers along your neck, again, this idea of CONNECTING WITH YOURSELF, the curves, the texture. Find as many opportunities to make physical contact with yourself as you go through your day. As an audience, the more we see you touching and enjoying the feeling of yourself, the more we want to get in on it!
4) ROTATE YOUR USE OF EYE CONTACT
This is a great one for drawing in an audience and keeping their attention. Remember I’m referring to ‘audience’ as ‘everyone you meet’ – grocery store, job interview, dance floor!
First you want to MAKE DIRECT EYE contact. This immediately shows confidence and, as we all know now.. CONFIDENCE BRINGS SEXY. If this is something you shy away from, it comes with practice – the more you do it, the more confident you will become. BUT…. you want to AVOID constant direct eye contact! This becomes intimidating and challenging and will shut down an audience member and make them feel uncomfortable.
Once you grab their attention with direct eye contact, direct THEIR gaze by looking at the part of yourself you want to bring their attention to. Swap between these, confidently grabbing their attention and directing their attention.
Finally, add in NO EYE CONTACT. Remember that element of “ALLOWING OTHERS TO JOIN YOU”? Allow your audience that brief moment of being able to take you in without their being challenged or judged. For a brief moment they are being voyeurs of your magnificence and you have the confidence to allow them to do so. Allow them that moment….. then BOOM, direct eye contact again… smile – “I know you were watching, I see you, and I’m ok with it… I’m glad that you were”. Allow you audience to feel comfortable in giving you their attention.
5) TRY ON A NEW PERSONA
It’s really easy to fall into the pattern of wearing the same types of outfit, your day-to-day lifestyle really dictates what you wear; restrictive business suit, comfortable shoes, old shirts your baby is allowed to throw up on!
Give yourself permission to step out of that routine. Coming from an actor’s point of view, clothing has a lot to do with how a character feels. I can try on one outfit and feel awesome, then change my clothes and I’m suddenly frumpy. If you feel self-conscious about your body, maybe it’s just the clothing your body is in!
I challenge you to try EVERYTHING.
Go to goodwill for a couple of hours and play dress-up! Play!! Don’t second guess. Just for shits and giggles – try something you would normally be too afraid to wear or always assumed just wouldn’t suit you. People do this on Halloween, why save it for just one day a year? Wear that vibrant colored dress, wear those leather pants, wear that pair of impractical shoes. Then walk around like you own the place! Rinse and Repeat….
You might want to do one of Vixens videos before you do your Boudoir photoshoot with us! 😉
GET A FREE VIDEO
For anyone craving more tips on self-confidence and embracing your sexy use code BOUDOIRCAFE to download a FREE instructional video “Vixen DeVille’s Secrets of Magnetic Charisma”(https://www.vixendeville.com/online-classes/online-secrets-of-magnetic-charisma/) or come take my intro class “Unleash Your Inner Vixen” with Vixen online at https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/1657329
I guarantee you this is more than just a dance class that leaves you feeling inadequate, this is YOUR time to celebrate YOU.